To Brave the Dark

It has nearly been three weeks thus far and I am still in love with this country, but I find myself struggling with so many different things. In the clinical setting, we would like to pray for our patients, but we find ourselves frustrated over the language barrier. We are all enrolled in an Intro to Zulu course, but we are by no means fluent. When patients come in completely hopeless and dying of AIDS, I want to share the love of Jesus with them and give them a glimmer of hope. A friend, LG, and I voiced these frustrations to a couple of our mentors and our Zulu professor overheard. She joyfully offered to translate anything for us, whether it be a prayer or whatever we felt would be most helpful. LG and I wrote out a prayer and had her translate it and we cannot wait to have the opportunity to pray for a patient in Zulu. I was practicing it the other day and it blew my mind that God understands every single language. I was praying to the same God I pray to in English, and I began thinking, "What am I doing? He understands English. Wait a second, He understands Zulu as well.... and every other language. Lord, You are amazing!" Seriously though, how amazing is our God? I find myself in awe of His majesty on a daily basis.

As a nursing major, I have to take this Ethics of Nursing course while I am here in Africa and I am absolutely loving it. We constantly get to debate different topics in the class, mulling over what we think is right and what we think is wrong. Our clinical experience is also a great place for us to get out into the community and see what it is really like in South Africa. Today's discussion in our ethics course was all about a scenario of a single mother with three children and no job. The only job opening available at the time is at an abortion clinic. Should she take the job? There were so many different opinions on this topic. Some people said that if they were her, they would take the job in order to put food on the table, but they would keep looking for another job as they were working so that they would not have to be there for too long. Others said that although you may be against it, it's part of working up the ladder in nursing. I hands down said that if I were her, I could not do it because it would kill me inside. To take the lives of innocent babies would constantly eat me up.  I would rather put my faith in God and trust that He will provide food for my family and a job for me in the future.

We also spoke more about how men here tend to be pigs to women and women begin to take on the mindset that they have no worth or rights. Married men go away on business or what have you and they take up a mistress, contract HIV, take it back to their wives, and then tell her she must have been messing around. Rape is another way HIV is spread like wild fire. This breaks my heart. This fallen world takes an image that was meant to represent the sweet relationship between God and the church and so many people kill it. Women are called to submit to their husbands as Christians are called to submit to God and husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church. How can women submit to their husbands when their husbands are abusing their submission and not loving them as Christ loves the church? Sex was meant to be some beautiful, intimate thing between husband and wife. It was suppose to represent the sweet, intimate connection between Christ and the church, but instead, it has been marred. These fallen men skew it for their pleasure and do not care who they are hurting and possibly killing along the way. The whole thing seriously breaks my heart. I desire more than anything to tell these girls and these women that they have value and that God loves them. I love them with Christ's love. I see them through Christ's eyes and my heart breaks. These women I have seen in the clinics have no self-esteem. They have been raised with the mindset that they will contract HIV eventually and they have no rights as women. They think this is how life was meant to be - them dying of AIDS and terrified to tell anyone about it or seek medical attention because of the negative stigma attached to being HIV positive. I pray that the Lord reveals Himself to them in a deep and intimate way. I pray that He shows them His love for them. I pray that He uses me in some small way, whether it be through my smile that beams of Christ's love for them or my broken heart to minister to their ashes. I pray that the Lord reveals to them that they were made in His image and that there is more to life than HIV and being used by men. They have rights that they aren't even aware of. God has a plan for each one of them and it is perfect and beautiful, but they must seek the Lord first and then they will find Him.

My prayer for the people of this country and even for my friends and family is a song by Addison Road called "This Little Light of Mine".... it goes like this:

There's a little flame inside a soul/ Some shine bright/ Some shine small/ The rains will come/ And the waters rise/ But don't you ever lose your light/ In this life you will know/ Love and pain/ Joy and sorrow/ So when it hurts/ When times get hard/ Don't forget who's child you are/ This little light of mine/ I'm gonna let it shine/ Gonna let it shine/ May you live each day/ With no regret/ Make the most of every chance you get/ And your eyes get wide/ When you look at the stars/ With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart/ With the ones you love/ Treasure the time/ And for those who are gone/ Keep the memories alive/ Hold on to your dreams/ Don't ever let go/ There's a fire inside you/ Burning with hope/ This little light of mine/ I'm gonna let it shine/ This little light of mine/ I'm gonna let it shine/ Gonna let it shine/ There will be days when you wanna give up/ When clouds settle in/ But after the rain comes the sun/ Don't you ever forget/ Don't forget/ Don't, don't forget/ One day there will be no more pain/ And we will finally see Jesus' face/ So until then I'm gonna try/ TO BRAVE THE DARK/ And let my little light shine/ This little light of mine/ I'm gonna let it shine/ This little light of mine/ I'm gonna let it shine/ Gonna let it shine/ There's a little light inside us all